Hello Again...

It's been awhile and my journey has been continuing. I have been practicing Vegan Mondays with a friend for a couple weeks and after a week long no gluten / sugar cleanse, we are ready for Vegan Tuesdays too. I am taking on riding my bike in the city and have been riding the bus all month. I am seriously considering get rid of our car. I feel so free that I can get myself around, feed my body what it needs, move it like it wants to and I'm happy.

I'm taking on being with people! I'm so hungry for connection, love, communication. I will say, that I have so much of this in my life as it is, but I know there is more possible if I go beyond where I have before. I'm coming out of my shell, becoming vulnerable, and speaking up. Look out world, I'm on the loose.

Stammering on...

So - this is were I get vulnerable with you and really honest with myself.

There were times this past week where I was not in control, when I gave up, when I didn't care. I ate muffin after muffin - homemade vegan muffins, but still - not good. The mere thought them now makes my stomach churn a bit. I way overdid it.

Then there were times when I chose what I ate, enjoyed myself, and really enjoyed some non-vegan food. Brownie sundae and lemon drop - yes, you were wonderful. The lethargic, unmotivated feeling that followed you the next day - not so wonderful, but still worth it.

I am beginning to notice my eating patterns. When I gorge, when I hardly eat, when I only eat because I'm bored. I am struggling to tame these urges. I realize though, having good food, that I'm excited to eat, available to me always, really helps me be in control. When I'm hungry and there's not a Cafe Gratitude within 10 feet or a veggie pasta salad prepped in my bag - I instantly want something crazy like a snickers bar or chocolate chip cookie.

I'm doing pretty good with being vegetarian though - I hardly ever crave meat anymore and can usually get present to what would be served to me: where it's been, what it's eaten, how it's been treated, and how it's going to affect my body and I can pretty easily say "no thank you."

As stated in previous posts, I was pretty excited about doing some vegan baking. Yea, I tried a bit of that - those muffins that I stuffed in my face. I think I'm okay for now - no more vegan baking. Cookies - sure, but that'll be it. I think I might have scarred myself a bit.

Aside from eating - I had some dark times lately with even being productive. I'd get in and out of bed - dreading the day, putting everything off, neglecting anything possible, and just feeling terrible about myself and my environment for no reason. It may be a bit extreme to think my crazy eating lately may have brought this on, but nothing stressful or emotional was really up for me - so it was weird.

I am getting more and more sensitive. Cookies I used to LOVE now taste waaay too buttery and eh. Eating cheese sets off a storm in my belly. Not drinking enough water makes me feel lightheaded. It's amazing. It seems a bit backwards but I'm finally being able to really LISTEN to my body. I can hear it talking to me now - we can communicate and understand each other. It's really pretty beautiful.

I was getting bored with my vegan meals - but I'm getting inspired again. Cool websites like instructibles have some fresh and EASY recipes I want to try. A lot include soy cheeses and tofu - but I might dabble in those for a bit before I get super settled into a no soy diet. That way I can enjoy pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches still :-D

Tonight I made a veggie chow mien soup thing. It was a little bland but good. I didn't use any recipe or anything so I was pretty proud of myself. Then I had a strange craving for toast so I made one slice even though I was full (bored eating).

This was a bit of a babbly post but whatever - it's a post! I haven't wanted to share all this for days - so it might not be pretty but it's out there now - raw(cooked really), unclean, and honest.

Mexican Bliss

I find sooo much comfort in Mexican food. Take the meat and cheese out and it's an instant satisfying vegan meal. Quick, cheap and easy too!

The other night - I made fajitas for Michael, my mom and I. Once I discovered the power of lemon juice and garlic, man was this heavenly! Michael's is the one with the cheese. I try not to torture him too much.

Tonight it's guac! This was supposed to go with the fajita meal, but my avocados were stubbornly not ripe enough yet. They are perfect now. I want to say a special thanks to my aunt Karen, and cousin Erin who first introduced me to the fine art of homemade guacamole. I am eternally grateful.

Other recent notable Mexican delicacies include Cafe Gratitude's Nacho appetizer (I am Honoring) and their cooked specialty quesadilla (I am Wise - much thanks to Ryland for this creation!). On both of these I swap the nacho cashew cheese for their less spicy mozzarella because my taste buds simply can't hang. These dishes are to die for. Oh man and Gracias Madre! I haven't been there in a bit, but spectacular. Butternut squash tamale, por favor!

Mexico - thanks for being so close to California. You allow me to practice my high school Spanish skills, eat healthy, and be happy.

My sweet tooth is achin' for some Cinnaholic

photo credit : cinnaholic

This place just opened in Berkeley last month and I'm dying to have a taste of their vegan cinnamon roll creations - over 30 different flavors! I've been scouring their website and blog in the meantime and have discovered some fabulous new resources to explore:

Veganbaking.net - This site is so exciting. I'm inspired to make my own yummy treats! Next grocery run I'm stocking up on the basics in vegan baking. They suggest about 6 different alternatives to eggs - one of them being pureed banana! I'm so going to use that for my gluten-free pancake mix I got the other day. I was stumped as to what to sub for eggs.

Ethical Pizza - I think fridge dough might change my life.

There seems to be quite a community of vegans out there on the web. I'm very excited to connect and find support as I journey down my path of veganism - my body won't seem to have it any other way whether I like it or not. I can't complain much though with scrumptious sweet creations possible without animal products.

Stay tuned for future baked goods posts! Yipee!!

Pizza Aftermath

this bus ad = gross. photo credit : me

Well - today I experienced my first case ever of indigestion. Painful pressure in my chest that came in waves.

All the sudden that left over pizza doesn't look so good - probably's what brought this on in the first place :-\

My tolerance for eating crap is lessening and my body's demand for decent food is on the rise. Blessing or a curse?

Comfort Food

I can choose to put whatever I want into my body and tonight I chose pizza. My man got me my own spinach and mushroom pie - a sweet (non-vegan) expression of love. I couldn't resist. All things in moderation - this very much so, but a delight to share with the one I love. 

Don't judge ;-)

Taking the wheel

photo credit : gato ranch

I'm realizing how good it can feel to be grounded in what I'm dealing with. Getting the "what is so" about everything. Knowing what the heck is really going on!

How much are my debts, what needs to be done, when can we meet, when will it be here, what can I do? From here I can solve for what to do next!

I've been hiding out hoping everything would blow over - ain't happenin'!

I'm stepping up - asking questions, taking notes, taking action and I sleep better at night for it. Yippee!!

Things I am grateful for: Google calendar, my iPhone, Excel spreadsheets, Google Docs, online banking / bill payments, e-mail, and the wonderful gracious people in my life.